Blessings!

I've been thinking about where to start with all of this. Do I start from the beginning when Dad died 2 months ago or start from what i'm thinking now? Obviously the weeks immediately following were filled with the most intense emotions while the pain was still so raw. So there was so much going on that I could write about. But that would take me such a long time. Now that constant overwhelming feeling of grief has gone and I'm left with more of a dull ache that is always there in the background that every now and then flares up. Life has changed in a big way in so many ways, so I am sure so much of that will come out as I go on with writing all about it. Everything I feel takes me by surprise, and emotions hit at random times.

So anyway, today I thought I would write about the many blessings that me and my family have found through this time. It's my lunch break from work at the moment and I'm feeling ok as I usually do while I'm getting on with normal life. My friend Rachel was wondering the other day if it is possible to be happy and sad at the same time and I really believe it is. Although, as she said it is a confusing thing, and hard to explain. But as I go on with normal life I am very happy as I was before this happened. I do love my life, but now there is a sadness within my heart that i don't think will ever completely go away while I live this life and Dad isn't part of it. But I still enjoy myself and I hope that this new knock in my heart, and any future knocks there may be, will all help to make me a more Godly person who looks heavenwards and is not so caught up in this life.

So, going back to my point(!) today is a normal day and one of my favourite types of winter days where it is cold and frosty, but the sun is shining and the sky is completely blue. I love these sort of days where winter doesn't seem too dull. I have lots of memories that associate Dad with these types of days - him working in the garden, going for walks, going to buy real Christmas trees (very exciting)! - but they are warm memories and not making me feel sad right now. So it's one of those times where I'm able to see so many blessings from God.

I was going to write about them, but now I've taken up too much time going off the point, so I will come back later to do it! But the real point of this particular blog is that although sadness always lingers, God has been so good in helping me to see past the sadness and the loss to look at the great times I've had growing up, and the blessings through the events themselves. I don't always feel this positive, but it's great when I do!