My Secret Place

I am reading a book which has actually moved me to write on this blog (must be a miracle), and no it is not a john Piper book (another miracle!!). It is a book on prayer by a lady called Denise George and the book is entitled, "God's Gentle Whisper - developing a responsive heart to God". I was attracted to it the other day because I usually read quite 'heavy' books, and whilst I enjoy them and it is what I prefer, sometimes I feel far more blessed by the simpler, very practical Christian books. This one looked like one of those simple ones, and as I so often struggle with prayer, and am struggling to find time to read much at the moment I decided to give it a go.

It has turned out to be far from simple.....It IS a simple book because it is very easy to read, it can be read quickly and I would definitely recommend it to someone who is not normally a reader. HOWEVER, at the same time I personally have found it so profoundly deep because the author clearly 'gets' prayer, and what she describes is what I have been longing for, but have perhaps not thought to be valid prayer.

The book is in 3 short sections and I have only read the first section, so that is really all I am referring to here because I cannot comment on the rest of the book. The first section is called, 'The Waiting Heart', and the first chapter (which blessed me the most) is called 'Standing on the Mountain: The Secret Place' (particularly making reference to Elijah standing on the mountain waiting for God).

The reason I am writing about this book here is because it is related to the time that my Dad died (which has obviously been the theme of this whole blog) because it has answered questions as to how and why I felt so close to God for the weeks following, even though I felt I never really prayed. Now I see that I was praying, or at least in communion with God, all along.

After Dad died I had little energy to pray, and didn't really know what to say, but God was so near, and my thoughts were on Him. I always feel that I didn't particularly deserve God's closeness at that time because I didn't really make the effort to pray. I feel that when I tell people that 'God was so good and I felt so close to Him' that I am somehow deceiving them because I didn't really form any particular long prayers. But now I think I understand. I was meeting with God in my 'secret place' and praying prayers that WORDS cannot express. When I felt so full of sorrow and just wanted God to help, He met with me.

Without the book in front of me at the moment I can't really describe what I am trying to say here - I need to write some extracts from the book which perhaps I will do later. But what came to me that might make it clearer is that when you are with a friend and you are upset, you may just cry, and they may just hug you. You don't say any words, but you are sharing that burden with them, off-loading it on them, and they are there with you in a very special way because you know they love and care, and are taking some of that burden. Words are not ALWAYS necessary for deep communion and connection of hearts to have taken place. There are times when words would just spoil everything. However, I have never really applied this to God, who knows all our thoughts anyway! And I realise now that when Dad died, the communion I had with God was very deep. That time was valid and real and I do not have to feel that I am misleading or deceiving anyone when I tell them God was near and I felt close to Him. When I cried and my heart ached, I was off-loading that on God. I WAS giving Him my burdens even though words were often not part of it. I was in prayer. I was in my secret place where God is, and our hearts were connected.

That is an amazing thing for me to have realised. I know to others this is all probably obvious, but somehow I have always felt guilty if I have not formed conscious prayers. And I think this can apply in pleasure as well as pain. I think of the many times where Dan and I have been so happy or were having fun. We knew what one another was thinking, but to speak would almost ruin it. Using no words did not mean we were not sharing and growing together in our relationship. It's the same with God! There have been many times where I have sat and looked at an awesome scene - like on a mountain or at a sunset or out to sea - my heart has been filled with gratitude to God. I have not always prayed with words on those occasions, but it was as though God was right beside me and we were sharing the moment together. Those times have been awesome, but I have sometimes felt guilty because I wasn't 'praying', and how can I have those awesome times when I don't 'pray' nearly enough?! But now I know I WAS PRAYING!!!

And again, when there have been big decisions to make, or when I look at the problems in the world and am overwhelmed.....my words cannot express these things. All I may have been able to say is 'HELP'. Or sometimes if I am overwhelmed at my sin all I can say is 'sorry'. What a pathetic effort at prayer I have always thought. Maybe... if I was just using 'help' or 'sorry' as mere words. But when that 'help' or 'sorry' expresses all my deepest burdens and is the result of a heart that is overwhelmed, and I am spending time in the PRESENCE of God, waiting for Him (maybe even waiting for Him to move me to use words, and to help me with those words?) then no, it is not a pathetic attempt at prayer.

Now, all this could become an excuse for me not to pray in a way where I have thought out carefully my prayers and used words. It's very tempting actually because there is no doubt about it that I am very lazy at prayer. I'm not suggesting for one moment that what I have been talking about means proper formed prayers are not necessary. I believe it is a very important discipline to go through with God the things that need prayer, and to make prayer lists and all of that sort of thing. I think this should be something done daily. BUT, for me personally, those times of communion with God without many words have blessed me very much and it is these times that I believe could really help me with my more structured prayer times, now that I have come to realise that they are a good thing and do count as prayer. These are the times where I really do feel that I have me with the Living God. I'm sure the more anyone feels they have met with God, the better they will become at prayer, and will feel more driven to prayer.

I will write more about this when I have the book in front of me, because I have done a real injustice to this book! I am really only picking up on a couple of points she has made in the third of the book I have read so far, and I have also applied it very much to my own circumstances, which means it probably is not reflecting accurately what she said!! I will quote some of the parts that really blessed me. I haven't even talked about the title of the book - God's Gentle Whisper - which I would like to do.

I just wanted to write this here because I have been excited about it all!

And now I have finally gotten around to writing a blog!!!!!